I Hate You

I hate parties, so why am I getting ready in the first place, I wondered as I applied some mascara on my eyelashes. Well, the answer was quite simple. If I didn't go to this party, I would never hear the end of it from my best friend. Jasmin loved parties and I'm suppose to oblige and accompany her whenever she decided to go to a party. Besides, she's the nicest person I've ever met and she has always been there for me, so I guess that explains it all.

As soon as we entered the party, I noticed him. He was involved in a very important discussion with another guy. As he looked up, he saw us at the entrance and his gaze lingered over us for a brief moment and his friend was bestowed with his attention once again. Jasmin was a professional at social gatherings, so she was soon happily moving in the sea of familiar and unfamiliar faces, nodding her head and saying exactly what was right, unlike me.

I smiled at a girl I knew from my school days and went over to the drinks table and reached for a glass when his hand brushed against mine. I looked up just in time meet his beautiful eyes. We smiled at each other and he introduced himself. 'Hi, I'm Shahudh'. What a nice name, I thought as I introduced myself. We sat down and started talking like old friends. Suddenly I forgot about my best friend and both of us drowned into a world of our own, as if the rest of the party suddenly disappeared.

After that night, we became great friends. Every morning he would call me as soon as he woke up and then gradually our friendship blossomed into something special, love. We started dating and I was the happiest girl in the whole world. My parents wanted to me to go abroad for higher studies but ignored them and started looking for a job. Since I just finished high school education, it was not so easy but still, I managed to get a job.

My parents and my friends tried to advice me but Shahudh was the most important person in the universe, I could never leave him. I even asked him what I should and he just shrugged and said in cool voice, “it’s up to you darling”.

As the end of year approached, everyone got really excited. Since 1999 was coming to an end, people all over the world wanted to celebrate the new millennium in an unforgettable way. I already knew what I would do, ofcourse, be with my sweetheart. Every time I thought about the approaching New Year, I felt delirious because I had a feeling that Shahudh was going to propose. I knew I was young but the last seven months with him had been simply heavenly.

On the last day of December, we went for a walk. As we strolled down the beach hand in had, he suddenly stopped. I looked up into his eyes and for a minute I thought I saw regret or perhaps sadness in his eyes. He then drew me into his arms and hugged me and lowered his head and whispered in my ears, “I know and I believe that you love me very much, don’t ever forget that”. He didn’t let me ask anything and said that he just wanted me to know as we continued our walk.

I watched him ride off in him motorcycle and wondered what he was up to. Was he going to commit suicide or was he really sick? No way I thought as I entered my house, he was just trying to be romantic but still I felt really uncomfortable, I had this nagging feeling that something terrible, bad was looming around the corners, waiting patiently to creep up on me and take me by surprise.

That night as the clock announced that it was midnight, I called Shahudh to wish him a happy new year. He sounded a bit distant and the he grumbled same to you, I think and then he hung up. He must be really tired. I thought and continued to watch Kaafage Vaahaka on TVM.

The next day I waited patiently for him to come by or call, but he didn’t. I thought that he was going to surprise me with a ring so I dressed with extra care that night. I waited for him to come, we had planned to go out. I waited in the living room and then suddenly the phone rang. I quickly grabbed the receiver and said hello. It was him, and then I felt like someone just stabbed a knife into my heart and left my there to bleed myself to death. He finished his message and hung up. I tried to call him but he didn’t answer my call.

How could he break up with me, I cried as I ran upstairs and got into my room. Nothing made sense. He had been so loving and caring. I cried and sobbed into my pillow the whole night. In the morning I tried to call him again, but he didn’t answer the phone. His last words brought fresh tears into my eyes and I felt my heart break over and over. “Look Hamna, I never loved you, I don’t think that we could be happy together, so don’t EVER call me again”.

By the end of January, I lost a lot of weight and looked like a matchstick doll. My parents and friends were concerned and they knew the reason as well. They advised me to move on since my efforts to contact him were fruitless. But I was worried about Shahudh, may be he was sick or dying, that’s why he might just let me go like that so that I wouldn’t be there to watch him suffer. I wanted to be with him no matter what.

My best friend agreed to go and meet Shahudh with me after I begged her about a million times. Since Shahudh refused to meet me or answer my calls, may be he might just show his face if Jasmine went instead. So we went to his house and I wanted outside. After about five minutes I heard his familiar voice. He was laughing at something Jasmine said and then he saw me. 

The first word that he uttered was “shit”. 

He looked as handsome as ever, I was glad to see him in good health. All this time I thought that he was really sick.

Finally I managed to say, “Are you ok”. 

He just shrugged his shoulders and looked really annoyed. 

“Look I told you to never bother me’, he said in a serious voice. 

"I thought you were dying, I managed to croak. He just raised his eyebrows. 

“The last time we..we went for a w.. walk, you said that y...you believes that I loved you very much, I stammered. 

He squared his shoulders and folded his hands and then started. “I really tried not to hurt your feelings, but you leave me no choice, I never loved you. I noticed you in the party when I was looking for a girl to date till the year ended. I wanted to break up with a girl on the first day of the new millennium", he finished off.

I stood there stunned and then I realized that he was telling me the truth. After all, on our last walk, he told me that he believed that I loved him, he didn’t say anything about his feelings. I started shaking with rage and then I walked up to him and slapped his face really hard and turned to go home. Soon, Jasmine joined me and we walked home in silence.

I thought of the year I have wasted for him, I could have gone to Malaysia to continue my studies and what right does he have to do whatever he wanted. While he has been happy about breaking up with me, I've been crying and worrying about this bastard. The man I loved most suddenly became the man I hated most in just a matter of minutes.