Just wanted to.........!

She stood under the huge tree and gazed at the shimmering water. The cool breeze lightly touched her face and she inhaled the fresh air coming straight from the huge ocean in front of her. She closed her eyes and thought about her beautiful daughter at home. She thought about her husband who must be at work at that precise moment and her beloved in laws who would have been enjoying their lunch in their cozy dining room. She took a deep breath, like a warrior getting ready for a dangerous mission and quickened her pace towards the jetty.

Everyone was shocked when they heard the news. They wondered why she would do such a thing. ‘Why, she’s such a lovely girl, always happy and smiling’, they all kept on saying. Some even added, ‘she had such a good husband and not to mention all the comforts of life’.

Her mother in law called her mobile three times in a row, but she didn’t answer. Thinking that she was being kept by work as usual, she got on with her chores. Her husband came home and was greeted by his boisterous three year daughter’s hug. She smelled of baby powder and soap. Alaa was ready for bed. As usual, he dropped his socks, followed by his shirt and pants on the ground. Leaving the pile in the center of the room he headed towards the shower. When he came out, his clothes were on the very spot where he had dropped them. Where was she? As he was about to dial her number, his mother barged in with tears in her eyes, wailing like a mad woman.

He expected her to look scared, but she looked as if she was sleeping comfortably. He thought he was imagining it, but she looked blissful, like she would smile up at them at any moment. He wept for her and lingered near her grave when everyone left, asking himself, ‘why?’ ‘Why did you jump, when you knew you couldn’t swim?’ But she won’t be able to answer him now. On the way home he wondered whether she was unhappy. He even started remembering things that he should have noticed a long time ago.

He remembered seeing her lost and depressed face. Especially after the baby and when she had to go back to work after her maternity leave. He even remembered her confession and constant pleadings. She wanted to stay at home and look after their daughter. He also remembered that she had been sad, tired and stressed for quite some time. But she is such a nice and patient person that she would never complain. When she tried to talk he listened half way through, if he had listened to her seriously, his beautiful wife would now be recovering.

He thought of his needs, how tired he was after a day’s work and then how he took a nap when he came back after a heavy lunch. He needed to relieve his stress so he would watch a movie and stay up during the weekends. His mom was old, so there was no hope there for her either. During the weekend he slept till mid day and went for fishing with his pals. His wife did the laundry and ironed their clothes and took care of the house. She never got a break, never, she was always so busy. He never realized that she would also need to rest and relieve her stress.

He couldn’t sleep that night. He thought of his wife, how he met and how much he loved her back then. Did their love die after having a kid? No, of course not. He still loved her and he was lost without her. He was up all night, thinking about their happy times and their recent conversations. He regretted the fact that he hadn’t cared enough for his wife and finally burst into tears a few hours before the sun rose. He cried for a long time while everyone slept and emerged from his bedroom composed and guarded the next morning.

They all thought that Niyaasha committed suicide. They didn’t know that as a kid she used to sit at the beach and look at the crystal clear water when she was sad. She continued to spend time at the beach more often as she grew up. After the marriage she moved to the metropolitan city with her husband dreaming of a life where she would be happy and content.

As she stood under the huge tree for the last time, she thought of the clean environment back at home. Even though she was standing a few meters away from the water, she didn’t feel at ease at all. She wanted to see the crystal clear water so she walked towards the jetty. When she reached the very end, she felt a bit dizzy. She couldn’t hold on to the railing and slowly, her grip slipped away and she fell into the water. By the time they pulled her out, it was too late.

Yes, she was sad and depressed. She just wanted to feel happy so she headed towards the harbor instead home after work. She just needed sometime before she took over her duties at home after a hectic day at work. She never intended to jump, she just fainted. People talked about her for days. What no one knew was that she never intended to end her life like that.